Intense discomfort is beauty

So, for whatever reason* I continue to subscribe to the magazine InStyle.  About once or twice an issue, I laugh out loud at some ridiculous recommended purchase (a $2,000 purse) or beauty procedure ($500 facial injections once every two weeks--because why not?!). 

Anyway, I was reading it last night and found one beauty procedure so hilarious that I felt the need to share it here. 

First of all, they have an article telling you how to tone your tummy, without any mention of what foods to eat or any kind of exercise. These tips are solely lotions and creams and procedures you can get done to your stomach. 

I look at the column for people in their 30s because, hey, I'm in my 30s now! Maybe I can learn something useful! 

And the magazine recommends that I DRY BRUSH MY OWN STOMACH. There's a picture of the brush at the bottom there. I am supposed to rake that thing back and forth across my stomach EVERY DAY for..what? Years????? Until I reach 40???

I'd like to say that this article pushed me to take the final step towards canceling my subscription, but...no. I mean, you wouldn't, would you? 

*I enjoy "reading" vapid fashion and beauty articles at the end of the day

So it gets your attention. Is that all?

This always frustrates me.

The new Allure issue is touting a spread where they got "5 Celebrities to Bare it All" for a photo shoot in the magazine. They briefly interview the women regarding how they feel being naked, what their insecurities are, etc.


My problem is: these women are celebrities; their bodies are PERFECT. Or if not perfect, then airbrushed to perfection. Why do women's magazines do these kinds of nudity spreads so frequently?
The magazine tries to play it like it's some kind of female empowerment, but do any of us real people even know anyone that looks that good?!

I was only happy with this kind of "love your body by looking at naked women" thing once, when (the now sadly defunct) Jane Magazine did a spread on nudity, but used non-celebrities to pose naked; they just asked readers to volunteer. Cool, huh?